ONE THING YOUR FRIENDS SHOULDN’T ADVICE YOU ON…

Our friends are fantastic! The best in fact! They are our to-go-to people especially when we need to lay off bits of our life baggage.It might sound cliche but the truth is that most of our friends are not the best people to get relationship advice from!
and here is why.
When you find that special someone and know that both of you have a probable long term relationship hang on to it and fight for it because there is nothing as therapeutic as finding that person that you can trust, love, feel comfortable around and most importantly, share your dreams with.

 

The truth is that in marriage, it is not always breakfast in bed or  receiving bouquet of flowers  and candle lit dinners all the time. That is for the “Romance Stage” . After the ‘romance stage’ comes ‘the power struggle stage’. This is where your relationship can look like anything but happy. Engaging in all sorts of disagreements from what commitment means to both of you to trust and boundaries issues.

When our relationships start getting relationship hiccups and derailing from the tracks we had created in our minds, most of us turn to our friends for venting purposes . I mean, why not? Our friends love us and their joy is o see us happy. So when you take your issues to them , the first thing they will want to do is offer support. Unfortunately not all of our friends are gifted with separating emotions from logic. So they will only tell you what you want to hear.

As the Kikuyu people would put it; ‘mathanwa me kiondo kimwe matiagaga gukong’orania’ (‘axes in the same basket cant avoid knocking on each other’).

Venting out to friends is good and healthy but not as useful if you are not bringing it out with your partner as well. When sharing your frustrations with your friends, intersperse them with the awesome things your partner is about also otherwise your friends will always justify your “name-calling”, “foot-stomping” and”walking out of your marriage” and shift all the blame to him. Some would even tell you to end the Marriage/relationship, terming it as unhealthy.

It is also important to know that there are things to “blow the steam off” about and those that are very private and personal. If you only vent out negative things about your partner, your friends might start resenting him and seeing only the bad side of him which in my opinion is not proper because what it does is to propagate the cycle of hate.

I am not here tryna say that it is easy but try to work on your relationship.
If it is broken, fix it. Don’t throw it away. Listen to your friends opinion  but listen to yourself as well before commenting or taking any action that would in future be regrettable. There is power in you. Discover it! Your friends can describe your problems but when it comes to who you really are and what you truly need that is something you have to figure out yourself because It is only you who can put a finger to who you really are.

Create your own balance, because like the saying goes, If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything,

This blog does not advocate for domestic abuse, If that is the status of your relationship/marriage,Create a state of motion, hit  the highway my dearest, burn some rubber to better relationships with people who value you… WALK ON!

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